Antisocial??? Do I need help???


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Unsure how to start this tread...

So I'll try my best.

 

Some of you guys know me by my loud fast paced personality.

I used to love being around people, going to parties, catching up with people meeting new people etc etc etc...

However in the last 2 or so years I've found my self not wanting to have to talk to people or socialise.

 

Don't get me wrong I do enjoy catching up and hanging out with friends but I only with a small percentage of people I know or better yet for a very short time...and I mean a very short time.

 

I tend to find myself getting bored or over people and conversations. If there's alot of noise I find myself getting rather irritated and usually start getting angry a small stupid stuff.

 

I'm Tring to think of ways for an example...

We went camping the first week out of lock down.

There would have been roughly 10 adults and 8 kids.

I really really really enjoyed everyone's company and had the best 4 days, riding with mates and my boys.

I find found I didn't really join in on conversations but just enjoyed listening to everyone and having a laugh.

Mind you the people we went away with is the small percentage of people I'm extremely comfortable with so it wasn't really an issue joining in on the conversation.

 

However...

 

If we where at someone's house I would have do everything I could have to not have to go.

I feel like people just suck the energy out of me.

 

If my wife invites friends over I tend to just walk away from them and leave them with my wife as much as I can.

Sometimes depending who is coming over at first I'm annoyed people are coming over but once they are here I'm ok...this is generally when I know I don't have acctuly talk to them rather than just float in and out of a conversation if I can be bothered talking about when they are all talking about.

 

I have two mates that come over often and we can just hangout on the couch play video games together, banter with them and have a good old laugh and even times where we all just sit in silence and watch who ever is playing and just really enjoy our company together.

 

If I'm going somewhere I know people are all into the same thing as I am then I can talk to them flat out no dramas but other wise I find it hard to talk to people about anything.

 

When at family events...which is my biggest pet hate...I generally just hang out with my kids and avoid anyone else who will try to talk to me besides my brother inlaws if we are at this side of the family's gathering.

I completely avoid going to anything with my side of the family because there's just too much garbage that goes with that side.

 

At home I don't really talk to my wife much ether...I absolutely love her company but just don't want to talk. I'd much rather just sit in the same room with her and just watch YouTube.

If we are out somewhere together like going to the shops or taking the kids out somewhere, I'll have full normal conversations with her no dramas just seems like at home I won't talk overly much to her otherwise.

 

At work I'm fine I'll have a chat with people ok and at the customers homes I'll be polite introduce myself and talk to them about what we doing or what needs to be done no dramas but that's as far as I'll go. I'll have the odd one that I'll chat too and laugh with but other than that I avoid their conversations.

 

I'm that asshole who will shut a conversation down with the poor person serving me at the shop...I'm polite but I'm not there to talk about the weather or how my day is going or if I have plans for the weekend.

 

I very rarely answer my phone to anyone unless I know it's for work. If someone I know is calling to chit chat I flat out won't answer and message them straight away telling them I'm busy even tho I could be just sitting on my ass doing nothing.

 

I find it awkward talking to people I know who don't have a common interest and will 100% avoid their presence or conversations.

 

 

I also feel very uncomfortable in the house we live in...Its never felt like 100% my home...and get rather angry and annoyed...I often feel empty here.

 

When I'm a the track with the kids, or out in the bush or even just out the front with my kids riding our bmxs or skating I'm fine...teaching them how to ride or skate etc I can do for hours no dramas.

I don't know if it's because I'm 100% focusing on their time or its because we are enjoying something together.

I've sat out the front for whole days with my kids and their mates in the street teaching them things and just watching them have fun.

Granted this is mainly just me out the front and no-one else to annoy me with other garbage conversations.

 

I don't really know why I'm reaching out because to me I'm fine and happy...but I know it bothers my wife so maybe I'm looking for advice...is it something I should be going to the doctor for?...which again I hate going to because I flat out hate talking to people.

Or is it just I'm turning into a grumpy old man who can't be bother dealing with people???

 

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Hey Ads,

Can totally relate to your above post mate!

I am by no means an expert, but a lot of the above are classic symptoms of anxiety/depression..   And i can personally vouch for that.

I will sit back and and eagerly await to see what others have to contribute..

Have you every thought about having a chat to your GP mate ?

 

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Thanks for your reply fro I really appreciate it mate!

I have but I kinda want to go talk to my GP but I just have no motivation and wouldn't even know where to start, or how to bring up my issue.

I avoid going to the doctors even if I hurt myself because I don't feel comfortable talking with them to be honest.

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I agree with Geoff, you should try to talk your GP about it or even seek a counselor. There is possibly something or lots of little things playing on your mind, that your not even aware of and just talking to a councillor can help you find out what it is. If you don't click with them, find someone else too, dont just stick with it just because it's convenient.

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I agree with Geoff, you should try to talk your GP about it or even seek a counselor. There is possibly something or lots of little things playing on your mind, that your not even aware of and just talking to a councillor can help you find out what it is. If you don't click with them, find someone else too, dont just stick with it just because it's convenient.
I would mind maybe having a chat with a counselor, I guess it would do any harm at all.
Thank you Tracey!
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Gday Mate long time no see,firstly around 60% of Australians are effected by some kind of mental health issue which a lot go undiagnosed which means that person will keep trudging through life with unanswered concerns.
Secondly a GP will ask you some simple questions to base a referral to put you on the right track. These are standard questions they have to ask just like your talking to them about high blood pressure.

Your brain is just another organ in your body that is not functioning properly for what ever reason just like a fatty liver or blocked arteries.

There is no shame stigma in seeking help,this will benefit you and your family.

Its great to put a name to these annoying issues. You will be provided with mental tools and in some cases medication which is totally your choice.

Everyone’s story is different but one thing I know is you have to take the first step brother.

MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST ANOTHER MEDICAL CONDITION


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Gday Mate long time no see,firstly around 60% of Australians are effected by some kind of mental health issue which a lot go undiagnosed which means that person will keep trudging through life with unanswered concerns.
Secondly a GP will ask you some simple questions to base a referral to put you on the right track. These are standard questions they have to ask just like your talking to them about high blood pressure.

Your brain is just another organ in your body that is not functioning properly for what ever reason just like a fatty liver or blocked arteries.

There is no shame stigma in seeking help,this will benefit you and your family.

Its great to put a name to these annoying issues. You will be provided with mental tools and in some cases medication which is totally your choice.

Everyone’s story is different but one thing I know is you have to take the first step brother.

MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST ANOTHER MEDICAL CONDITION



Definitely be awhile mate!

Thanks Andy I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

I've been having a chat with the guys at beyond blue who have put me into the path of mind spot.

I found it alot easier to talk to someone about my issues online rather face to face.

I honestly just thought it was my getting older and grumpier. Getting advise from all you guys and having a chat with someone from beyond blue made me realise there obviously an underlying issue(s).

For so long I've lived a fast paced life style and witnessing and being involved in some pretty shit things, I've dealt with nightmare/night terrors for so many year (10 plus years now) maybe it's all just starting to catch up to me.
I've always struggled voicing my problems and find it hard to talk about it all.

I tend to try keep myself busy and keep my body moving to take my mind off stuff. I find if I stop my mind goes to war with itself.

I guess it's just finding the right person I feel comfortable enough with to talk to about it all and work out what treatment would work best for me.

Thank you everyone for the advice! Sometimes people just need alittle out side advice I guess.
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Definitely be awhile mate!

Thanks Andy I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

I've been having a chat with the guys at beyond blue who have put me into the path of mind spot.

I found it alot easier to talk to someone about my issues online rather face to face.

I honestly just thought it was my getting older and grumpier. Getting advise from all you guys and having a chat with someone from beyond blue made me realise there obviously an underlying issue(s).

For so long I've lived a fast paced life style and witnessing and being involved in some pretty shit things, I've dealt with nightmare/night terrors for so many year (10 plus years now) maybe it's all just starting to catch up to me.
I've always struggled voicing my problems and find it hard to talk about it all.

I tend to try keep myself busy and keep my body moving to take my mind off stuff. I find if I stop my mind goes to war with itself.

I guess it's just finding the right person I feel comfortable enough with to talk to about it all and work out what treatment would work best for me.

Thank you everyone for the advice! Sometimes people just need alittle out side advice I guess.

Well done mate
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I can relate to some of what you say and feel but in my case I actually am a grumpy old man.

I think just your awareness that you're not sure is worth at least having a chat with your GP. Don't over think it or dwell on it, after all it is just a chat with your GP.

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I really want to say a massive massive thank you to everyone who took their time to reach out and give me advice.

I had a great talk with a member on here just before and having him explain how he feels and everything to the T is exactly how Im feeling...even things I just never actually realised I do aswell, just a massive eye opener.

Knowing I have some great people I can relate to I think will help just that much more.

If only I had listen to my wife sooner and not let it get this bad...bad sometimes I guess it just takes that little bit more for some others haha

Once again massive thank you for the bottom of my heart I truely appreciate all of you!

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I read your post and had to double check that I didn't write it haha. Basically described exactly how I am. Even loving riding dirt bikes as much as I do I rarely attend any dirtriderz rides or anything like that and just ride with close mates or a few people I have met through the forum or while unloading my bike as I just never feel comfortable around large groups but have never been able to put my finger on why. Wasn't like that when I was younger (not that I am old now though only 35) was a bit of a clown or a stirrer, but in hindsight was probably just a bit of a coping mechanism.

 

I have suffered depression on and off for many years, with treatment only being triggered in 2014 about a year after a very personal loss which eventually caught up to me and sent me off the deep end and luckily having some good people around me to basically organise and force me into seeing a doctor. Having been through the gamut of depression treatment and medication I can definitely advocate for getting on top of things as early as you can and seek out a mental health checkup. Mental health is no different to any other health problem, say if you were having chest pain on and off which was getting worse as the years go by then you would want to get it looked at to see what it was before it got too far along. There is just a stigma around going to get your head checked out as being a pussy or a sissy and what would they do for my anyways. I still have that problem with myself about seeking out treatment when things start going south again as for me that feeling of being a massive pussy has never gone away (even though I know how stupid it is) and I have done it multiple times now so I understand what it is like. I bloody hate going to ask for a bit of help and a tune up as no matter what it is I like to have a crack at fixing it myself but it is just one of those things I have to do.

 

I am much better at managing my mental health now and part of that is just knowing your personality and what you need to do to keep happy and in a good place. Also having a partner on the same page about it helps immensely. I know groups are not my thing so I don't do them, I know I need trips away 4wding and camping on my own or with a select few people every now and then so I do them with the blessing of my family, I know I need to just sit and have a day of doing F all at home so I do it when I need it. But I also pay those back by doing the interacting with groups when I have to like family and parties and having people over for my wife as it's what she gets enjoyment out of. It can be hard work but I just see it as a bit of give and take. Oh and get some sleep. Sleep is the key to mental health and most people get nowhere near enough. I didn't and really still don't but I try my best to get into bed as early as I can. 7 - 8 hours is where you should be aiming. Do that consistently and man do things really start to turn around mentally.

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Heaps of people don't like social gatherings, and there are a lot of good reasons why parties are the worst.  It might be the dunning kruger effect for being quieter when you are older and wiser too.  There are a lot of things that can be at play, and everyone's experience is different so what may be an underlying thing for one person is totally different to everyone else. 

From my own experience, I was gas-lighted for a long time to believe there was something wrong because of the way I interacted with people, and for my demeanor.  In reality there were (and still are) other factors this can be attributed to that shaped my social interactions.  I only became aware of this by talking to a lot of people, and I know what I need to work on in the future to shape situations so that I actually enjoy them and i'm not just going through the motions, meditating, sleep hygiene, the right exercise and diet play a big part too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the human condition is really complex, and it can be easy to self diagnose, and look for answers in the wrong place.  That might happen a few times, but don't stop trying until you find what works for you.  Its your time, you deserve to be happy and its completely possible to put yourself first and still be a good person. Keep talking to people who are not afraid to show their vulnerable side to you, and don't be afraid to do the same. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

hi twichie and all, hope you are tracking along nicely mate...

You have done a great job of self analysing yourself across many situations....the first thing I thought of when you said you can't be f*&^%$ed talking to a GP, was to email that post to beyond blue as a starting point. 

don't know if you did but you reached out to a great organisation for help...good luck to all who have to watch out for the black dog.....

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  • 3 weeks later...
hey twitchie...how you getting on?
Hey splints!
I'm so sorry I haven't been on for abit.
Threw out the holidays I had all my kids with my for 2 weeks straight and was on top of the world but hit a low point when 2 of them went back to their mums the house got too quite and just had a few day where I was in shits with everything but back to work now so climbing out the hole again haha.

Yeh mate I reached out to beyond blue and they put me threw mind spot which I've been talking to a counselor every 2 week or so and been doing an online course that gives you a bucket load of information about how to try help manage your emotions/depression/anxiety which has been a boost in helping me climb back out of the hole.
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good to hear....keep chatting to people that can help....you seen the black dog ride? jump on for a ride and a camp, there is a level for everyone......few peeps on that ride have been in the same places you have been, my wife is on meds so I know a bit about it, from that perspective.

most of us can talk shit one minute....D & M the next...... so if you need a quiet moment we are happy to talk

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